5 – Debrief
5
At sea, I learned that not all days are good: some ended up being marked by several avoidable mistakes due to lack of coordination; in others we even looked like beginners.
After each regatta, whether good or bad, we would all go over together the main moments, the maneuvers performed, the choices made.
Excerpts from Black Moves First
Once the negotiation is over (and once the parties have met for one or more Post Settlement Sessions), one of the most interesting moments of the Incontro method begins.
There is a Japanese proverb that says: “Sometimes you win, all the other times you learn”. I believe that if you pay close attention to everything you do, you have the opportunity to learn all the time, regardless of the outcome.
In sports and “finite games,” the players are known, the rules are set, the goal is clear, and the winners and losers are easily identifiable. In “infinite games” (such as business or life itself), the players come and go without a defined short-term goal.
In negotiations, the rules can be changed. There are no winners or losers, no concepts like “winning the deal” or “winning the negotiation,” only those who are ahead and those who are a little behind, like in a race without a finish line.
Failure to reach an agreement is always the result of a process, a choice; it is not a defeat because you have chosen the best alternative to the negotiated agreement.
And a good contract is not an absolute victory, because you probably could have prepared and negotiated better: the ability to negotiate is not a skill that can be acquired overnight, it requires continuous improvement. You’ll never get bored and you’ll never stop learning.
Some negotiations will have better results only if you develop a method, a style; and remember that your learning curve will rise more or less at different times in your evolutionary path.
In any case, however the negotiation ends, once it is over, you will have the opportunity to reflect, to learn, to value and share what you have learned, and then to put what you have learned into practice when you face similar situations, scenarios and contexts.
I have worked in several multinational companies and have participated in many negotiations, some of them very important; well, I have noticed that the participants rarely had the habit of analyzing the negotiations once they were over. Groups, even large ones, almost never do a good job of debriefing after negotiations. This (as you should have realized by now) is a serious mistake: they lose an extraordinary opportunity to improve their negotiations in the future.